Surprise! Life is
throwing you a party. Big and little
surprises are menaces in our path, or building blocks to our next
vista. The difference is often in how we
handle the change the surprise brings.
I’m a young soul and so most surprises feel like new experiences to
me. I’m learning slowly how to deal with
such changes out of necessity, but it’s not always easy. How to cope?
Here are a few thoughts:
Look for the lesson. Life is a great teacher. Upheaval, chaos, or sudden change forces us
to wake up, smell the coffee, see the difference between what really matters
and what seems to matter, reprioritize our lives, and start moving towards a
destination that feels better and makes more sense. As the Buddhist proverb wisely notes: "When the student is ready, the teacher appears."
Reframe and respin. Be your own spin doctor! Not all unexpected
events are negative, really. While events may
seem negative initially, the same may be a silver lining in a cloud. Losing a job or a relationship may be
difficult initially, but life may surprise us with a better work
environment or a more loving relationship.
Always have a Plan B. Plan A is the destination. Having a Plan B destination ensures
that we don’t allow ourselves to wallow in self pity or be immobilized by fear
if Plan A doesn’t materialize.
Think long-term. How will the unexpected events impact you in
the future? Will they matter in a month?
In a year? In five years? Try to gain
the peace of knowing that life has a way of balancing out, the good and the
bad, the happy and sad. We all go
through challenges, at least everyone I know.
The basket of awful stuff will be countered with a basket of at least as much
good stuff down the road. Be wise enough
to spot the good stuff and start looking immediately.
Adjust your sails. On the stormy seas of life, the sooner we
adjust our sails, the better. "We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust our sails," noted Dolly Parton. Fix, improve, revise, and master the situation rather than
allowing change to be overwhelming.
Give yourself time to change rituals and routines that once were, to
welcome in what is waiting. Distract
yourself from the old by eating different foods, seeing old friends you’ve missed,
or engaging in new activities.
Embrace the change. Find one thing to like. This can be so difficult, but it is essential
to moving forward with a changed situation.
Thinking about or dwelling on the past is draining and unproductive.
Let it go. Yoga teaches detachment. Stepping back from problems, or at least from
the negative emotions behind them, is essential to moving beyond them.
Exercise your resolve
muscles. So the expected happy
ending became a nightmarish finale?
Resolve to control your mind and not allow the situation to rule your
thoughts. Think of the good that is
within reach and the good that is coming.
Smile. It’s around the corner.
Release your monkey
mind. Breathe in peaceful, calm, verdant thoughts
for ten minutes a day. Focus on your
favorite mantra, place, or even a favorite color and fill your head with only
that. Sit quietly and dismiss all
negative thoughts, memories, and thoughts of the past.
Life is dynamic, always moving, ever changing. Even the love between two people changes. It grows or it withers away. Acceptance, even when the change is difficult, makes us stronger. German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche noted, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” Ah so true. Life experience teaches us that after a period of rough or muddy waters, a better, brighter tomorrow awaits on the horizon.
