Too Cool for School

I laugh, I love, I hope, I try
I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry
And I know you do the same things too
So we're really not that different, me and you

  ~Collin Raye

Sigh.  It happened again.  Today's message implied I was cold and unemotional.  It’s not the first time, and I suspect it won’t be the last.  The message wasn’t from a dating partner, rather from my favorite astrologer, Jonathan Cainer.

To be born under Virgo is to be blessed (or cursed) with a natural ability to project an air of diffidence. You can all too easily make people think that you are detached and unemotional, so calm and capable, so wise and composed, that you can stand back from any emotive issue. Sometimes, you can even persuade yourself of this too. Yet this week, there is something that you truly do care about. You need to convey that passion and to allow yourself to act on it. Make sure that you don't inadvertently become too cool for school.

Diffidence?  That sounds like something Mary Poppins would say about Mr. Banks.  When she was younger, my daughter occasionally told me her friends thought I didn’t like them.  It bothers me immensely to come off this way, to be sure.  Not that I am Miss Congeniality, but I really do like everyone.  Almost.  

And not to defend myself, I believe I can explain why I’m oft too cool.  

I’m a young soul.  I feel so inexperienced in spite of my chronological age.  I don’t always know what to say, and I’d rather wait several months to say something than speak too soon.  I'm sure I come across as detached.  (The good news is I’m less likely to put my foot in my mouth or say something I’ll regret, but the fact that it’s happened at all bugs me.)  

Almost everything is a “thinking thing” for me, even love.  Sorry Trace Adkins, but it is so.  If I seem cool about love or friendship, maybe it’s because I’m thinking about it.  And I take my time thinking.  I feel vulnerable, even if I don’t allow myself to be vulnerable - and there is a difference.

I can be a real cry-baby.  I’ve always been sensitive about showing strong emotions in front of other people, even my closest friends and family.  I stay composed out of necessity, because when I cry, and I do, I can’t stop.  For hours.  It isn’t that I “stuff” my emotions, but I do save them for when I have a little time.  You may not have noticed the tears in my eyes when I’m hurting or see me swallow hard when I have a lump in my throat either.

“You need to convey passion …”   The passion that wells within me is a quiet and good kind of passion, a passion for my family, especially my children and grandson, a few others close to me, and a love of nature, dance, and music.  It’s that simple, but I’m not on a soap box every other day expecting to persuade the person next to me to feel my passions.  I don’t and won’t.  Passion is an action verb with me.  

So … what am I going to do with yet another “cold” assessment?  If I'm offered the chance to take a stand on something I really care about, I will care in my own way.  I hope I'm armed with a shovel or box of Kleenex and waterproof mascara or whatever else would be useful under said circumstances.  Meanwhile I’ll listen to a few rounds of Canon in D (Pachelbel), and wait for what the week brings and deal.  Passionately, if necessary.  Like I always do. :-D