Friday, May 21, 2010

Dinner In Big Cottonwood Canyon With My Sister Wife

I enjoyed a lovely dinner with my sister wife last evening. Yes, really. Well, no not really. But sort of. We did eat at the Silver Fork Lodge.  (Hint: I especially recommend Silver Fork Lodge for summer evenings, when you will want to sit out on the patio and enjoy the cool mountain air along with the delicious but down-to-earth food and perhaps a beverage.)

Your sister what?  A local women's band, The Sister Wives, capitalizes on Utah's tendency to make light of wives in polygamous relationships. In reality, none of these gals are in polygamous relationships, nor are my sister wife and I (emphasis added).  In Utah, jokes about polygamous families are ubiquitous.  There I go again ... ubiquitous.  Gartner Group may use it to describe technology.  I use it to describe rats and polygamy humor.  And so, I have a sister wife. At least one.

When I met my sister wife, I was dating her ex-boyfriend. Through him, I learned I'd dated her previous ex-boyfriend. As I have mentioned in other posts, the social scene in Salt Lake City is at times a miniature fishbowl. You will run into your ex again in the McDonald's drive-through if not at the gym, and you will meet your ex's ex's.

I'll never forget the night I sat down with my sister wife and told her I'd dated her previous ex-boyfriend.  She already knew I was dating her most recent ex, a fact which no doubt met her with "mixed emotions."  For situational reasons that go beyond what I want to say here, let's just say I knew she'd be sufficiently traumatized by what I had to say, so I made her sit down.  "Well, I knew you weren't going to tell me I was pregnant!" she said, "so I couldn't imagine what could be so bad that I had to sit down."  It was that bad. When you find that you have two or more ex's in common, you start to feel like you are winning a weird and deranged game of bingo. So a polygamy analogy is a way of it least mentally processing the situation without coming uncorked.

Perhaps my sister wife and I have more in common with each other than with either of the men we dated.  We both have masters degrees. We were each married 17 years.  Like my sister wife, I was married to a scientist. We each have children, though not the same number. Each of our ex-husbands are remarried, to women who share the same first name (yes, really).

Note, that so far in this post, not one word about the men.  And there won't be.  I will suggest that the Mayo Clinic has a great article on forgiveness.  And another thought beyond what the article offers: even if the relationship gets tossed with the weekly trash, the people you meet because of past relationships may become good friends long after that special someone no longer rocks your world. In my case, a woman I met because of the second ex-boyfriend has become one of my very best friends.  And hanging with my sister wife is always a treat.  No doubt, there will be further collaboration and consultation, if not discussion, recapitulation, regurgitation (yes), and intelligence sharing between us.

No more hand-me-down boyfriends from my sister wife. Fortunately, for my sister wife, she's found a man who is loving, family oriented, well read, articulate, steady, stable, and who loves hiking, music, and my sister wife's other interests.  He's a  keeper.  Her advice: do what you love and the man of your dreams may show up. Maybe. If not, at least you are having a marvelous time. And if he does appear, take it slooooooooooooooow. Me? I'm not sitting around and waiting for anything to happen for me at the moment, but if it does, I think I might be better able to identify "the real deal."

Finally, in case you were wondering, "sister wife" is considered a term of endearment. It's definitely true in my case. {smile}

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